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The subcateneous newspaper of Shiny Late And Groovy, FDA
M'aidez!
1997, Volume 4 Issue 3b
In a reactionary move towards true reconstructionism, Coyote, who is both SLAG senior druid and FDA arch druid, announced publicly that he would be sacrificed to the Gods on Beltaine.
"The time has come," Coyote said in his statement. "Brighid and I sat down and had a nice long talk about it over scones and cappuccino, and She convinced me that it's time that we Pagans did something bold to compensate for what the rest of the humans have done to the Earth."
Coyote has been reading old texts in order to perform the ritual as authentically as possible. "I only get one chance at this, after all," he noted.
Grove Bard Brain Mary Prince was enthusiastic about the ritual. "It's not every bard who gets to write liturgical chants for a human sacrifice. There are some good ones in the texts, but I have some of my own ideas, too. And I have a very peppy circle dance worked out."
Noted FDA scholar Immin Corrigible commented further: "The purpose of FDA is to rebuild the Old Faith, and human sacrifice was very much a part of our ancestors' ways. We have been taught to fear it in modern society because we fear what we don't understand. I'm excited about it... standing around drinking some hearty stout, remembering Coyote as he travels off. Beer and bier go well together."
In addition to the main human sacrifice, there will also be open animal sacrifices! Bring your own favorite forest critter to slay on the altar of the Old Ones! (No animals over five hundred pounds, please.)
After the ritual, we'll be having our usual pot luck, mixing the meat from our sacrifices with dishes brought by Grove members. Vegetarians should pay special attention to bring a side dish.
You're Pagan, so you have to like them! It's a law, you know! So we've put them all together, in one show, one weekend, one low price, one huge Pagan crazed party! Featuring:
Also featuring readings by your favorite Pagan authors, like:
All events are free except where noted, when there is a superfluous charge. All events are open to the public, as long as you know the password. For more information on any Grove event, contact SLAG at (313) 555-8428.
April Tue 1 Imbolg Ritual.
Wed 2 8pm-? Playday, at the Ypsi Deja Vu, for adults 15-100 (bring ID, fake or real). There will be a cover charge. Meet in the alley behind the club.
Thu 3 9am-9pm Workday: Help build Coyote's sacrificial altar! We have the space, but it needs some cleaning up and minor construction. Bring hammers and lots of enthusiasm. Please come for as much of the day as you can! Mary's.
Fri 4 2-4pm Fundraising Committee Meeting: Let's plan the bank job so we can buy our own meeting place. Robin's.
Sat 5 7-9pm Uncouth Activities Committee Meeting: Help create a greater role for the denizens of our path. Goldman's.
Sun 6 7-10pm Druidic Lore and Magic Tradition: A six-month series of classes hosted by Shiney Late & Groovy. First session, 7-8:30pm, open to the public. Subject: The Pious Life of the Pagan. Second session, 8:30-10pm, by registration only, 666-8632. Subject: Sex Magick and Working Skyclad. Ancient Forests.
Mon 7 7-9pm SLAG Business Meeting. Time and place revealed only to members of the Inner Sanctum.
Tue 8 7-11pm Bardic Night! Join us for an evening of drumming, chanting, and necromancy. ICK Building. 7-8pm: Workshop, How to Write on Brittle Little Leaves, presented by Candy.
Wed 9 2-4pm Healers' Guild Meeting: All those interested in the healing arts are welcome. Topic: Healing with lard and entrails, presented by Karen. Robin's.
Thu 10 7-9pm Liturgists' Round Table. Drink beer, guffaw, and pretend to plan a ritual! Sweatwater.
Fri 11 6:30-8:30pm First of All Committees Meeting: For planning how to plan other things. Robin's.
Sat 12 7-9pm Bardic Liturgists' Meeting: Drink mead, tell bawdy jokes, and make up something so it looks like we do more work than the regular liturgists. Mary's.
Sun 13 7-9pm Druidic Warship Circle. Those Asatru have gone too far! We're mad as Hel and we're not gonna take it anymore! Mary's.
Mon 14 7-9pm Artisans' Guild Meeting: All those interested in the Artisans' Guild will meet at John's. Topic: Building your own fetish, presented by Vincent.
Tue 15 7pm-? Strip Poker Tournament: Join us for an evening of fun at the Grove's first monthly Strip Poker Tournament. Prizes for the top three teams. Snacks will be provided. The $6/person, $9/couple fee goes to support the Grove. Mary's. Call Robin to register or find out less!
Wed 16 Clerical Error! By some string of impermissible errors, we failed to schedule anything at all for this day! Suggest something! Hurry, before Coyote finds out and heads roll!
Thu 17 7-9pm Inner Sanctum Meeting. John's. Topic: Making fun of Douglas Munroe's 21 Lessons of Merlyn. All welcome, Inner Sanctum students encouraged to attend.
Fri 18 7-9pm Mead Hour Discussion topic: Religious Paranoia and Why it's Justified. Sweatwater. Call Janice at 777-6968 for more information.
Sat 19 1-5pm Groovy Incentive. Upstairs, we'll argue minutiae ad nauseam, until everyone involved hates each other and everything's still unresolved. Downstairs, we'll share brew and, um, "medicinal herbs". Come join the fun! Mary's. SLAG Members only, please.
Sun 20 7pm-? A Brownie: SLAG Spirituality Group will eat, um, brownies at Mary's. SLAG Members only, please.
Mon 21 7-9pm Bylaws Avoidance Meeting. We were supposed to have these approved months ago! We're still on perfect Pagan schedule! Mary's.
Tue 22 7-9pm Business Meeting. We'll be selecting a new senior druid. Volunteers will be taken from members who don't come to the meeting. Coyote's.
Wed 23 7-9pm Bardic Monthly Meeting: Mary's. We'll be discussing how to make even more monthly bardic events. All welcome, Bards encouraged to attend.
Thu 24 7-9pm Men's Materialism Group: Join us as we explore our materialism as men in our community. John's. Men only, please.
Fri 25 2-6pm Bardic Seminar and Auditions: Mary and John will discuss Memorization of Extremely Long and Dry Poetic Pieces. Mary's.
Sat 26 2-4pm Fundraising Committee Meeting. Help us raise money for our hostile takeover of Oasis Hot Tub Gardens! Robin's.
Sun 27 7-9pm Liturgists' Roundtable: Oh no! It's three days before Beltaine and we haven't planned anything! Great Gods! PANIC! Sweatwater.
Mon 28 7-10pm Druidic Lore and Magic Tradition. See Sun 6. First session subject: How to Brew Ale. Second session subject: How to Drink Freshly Brewed Ale. Ancient Forests.
Tue 29 all night Coyote Watch for Beltinne. Make sure he doesn't chicken out at the last minute!
Wed 30 2-5pm Beltaine Ritual. Lower Huron Metropark. There will be a raffle to help cover site costs. Don't forget your favorite forest critter!
This newspaper is a tasteless and tacky perversion of Shining Lakes News, the fact sheet and calendar for Shining Lakes Grove, ADF.
Copies of Shining Lakes News are free but cannot be obtained at any Cracker Barrel, Denny's, Blockbuster, or any other intolerant commercial establishment. Try asking Fox for a copy instead.
This document is entirely satirical. Persons, places, or things mentioned herein are nouns. If anyone is to hang for this, send the angry, torch-bearing, pitchfork-yielding masses to:
Editor and Grove Chronicler:
Brighn aka Paul Kershaw aka Lefty
O'Hoolihan aka The Silent One
(517) 487 2643
kershawp@pilot.msu.edu
© 1997 Shining Lakes Grove, ADF
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