Shiny Late Newts

Not A Newsletter for Shining Lakes Grove, A.D.F.
Bel-chinny 2004
Vol. 2, No. 1

Three-Way Trade Brings Cernunnos to SLG

TRADE SUMMARY

Sluggies get: Cernunnos Deity to be named later

Ravens get: Aren 2005 first-round draft pick

Oakies get: Airmid Case of homebrewed mead

Aren goes west; Airmid to New Jersey

Cernunnos, Horned God of Fertility, will be joining the Shining Lakes Grove pantheon as part of a surprising three-way deal that was reached just before the Beltaine trading deadline. The trade sees Aren, God of Love, Beauty, and Freedom being sent to Raven’s Cry Grove in California, with Airmid, Goddess of Herb-Lore, going to Red Oak Grove in New Jersey. Cernunnos will be sent from New Jersey to Michigan, and should arrive in time for SLG’s Beltaine rite on May 1st.

“I know that people will be sad to see Aren go. He’s been a good god for us for many years,” said Sluggy Señor Druid and General Manager Ron Henson-Cox. “Remember, though, that when we first drafted him, most of the members of the Grove were young and good-looking, you know, people you might actually want to see naked. Having a god of beauty made more sense then. Honestly, have you looked at us lately? I think Aren will be a better fit with the West Coast Honor system used by the Ravens.”

“I know that some folks may be wondering why we’re acquiring a horned god of the wild when we already have the Stag God on our roster. What they’re forgetting is that Cernunnos was originally a god of merchants and trade. And with our money problems lately, that’s exactly the kind of deity we need in our line-up.”

SLG Treasurer Matt Bezzler agrees. “We’re already working up a special rite for Midsummer asking for money, money, and more money! Yippee!”

Aren could not be reached for comment.

ADF Voting Referendum Passed - Details

The members’ referendum on the 2004 ADF ballot has been a controversial issue. Members were asked to choose between the one-vote-per-year-of-membership system which ADF had used since its inception, a one-vote-per-person system, and a variety of other methods to determine how many votes each member would have in Mother Grove elections.

The votes have now been cast, and the results are final. Beginning with the 2005 election, the number of votes each ADF member may cast will be equal to the number of times the letter R appears in their name.

For example, if your name is “Rob Henderson”, you will have two (2) votes. If you decide to go by the name “Robert Henderson”, you will then have three (3) votes. If you make everyone refer to you as “Robert Henderson Junior” all the time, then you’ll have four (4) votes.

If your name is “Genevieve Stoyak” you will have no (0) votes, but if you decide to use the name “Mrs. Robert Henderson Junior” on your official correspondence, then you will have five (5) votes.

Remember that this rule applies to religious or magic(k)al names, so if your pagan name is “Richard Roundtree”, you will have four (4) votes. (Be warned that if you use that name, people may think that you’re a Shaft and try to put their offerings into you.) And if your magic(k)al name is “Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraven Rrrrrrrrrrrredwing”, you will have thirty (30) votes.

This new system should ensure that all members of ADF may have just as much influence in the organization as they choose to have.

(Editor’s note: While I don’t necessarily approve of this new system, the members of ADF have spoken. And they must be right, because they have lots of R’s in their names.)

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H.Y.D.R.A.
(Haven’t Yet Developed Reciprocating Alliances)

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Event Announcements

“Procedures for the death blow: How to spill the blood of your sacrifice well, with least suffering”
How-to workshop offered by Bracken. Bring your sharpest, shiniest knife, and a practice sacrifice (ex-boyfriends/girlfriends strongly discouraged; save them for the Real Thing) as well as restraint devices and/or drugs to subdue your living art. Note: you must have taken "Proper Restraint and or Drugging of Sacrifices so they don't Run Off the Altar." before taking this course; NO exceptions! Afterwards, in the Greek tradition, we will be having a trial determining the punishment of the knife for extinguishing life in the name of the Gods.

"How to recognize, harvest, and use your favorite witchy poisons”
Belladonna, both Hellebores, Henbane, Monkshood, and Mandrake will be discussed, along with several indigenous poisons. Bring your gloves and your malice. Other items will be provided. "How to have fun with Recreational Herbs" is a helpful prerequisite but not necessary. Bracken isn't sure she's teaching it this year, due to the hospitalization and imprisonment of Redfirebush last year. Bulletins posted as events warrant. Revenge planning will happen immediately after the talk. It's time to get Neo-Paganism noticed!

SLG Leader’s Hip Council

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