Homer's Odyssey (to the tune of Yellow Submarine)

by Rob Henderson

I sing, o Muse, of the bards of Liverpool, whose songs still resonate through the ionosphere, and of the blind poet of ancient times, whose epic tales have inspired mortal men for millennia. My pledge to the gods fulfilled, I pray that these humble parodies remind us of their greatness. May their songs still be with us for millennia to come.

Homer's Odyssey

(to the tune of "Yellow Submarine")

In the land where I was born
Lived a man who could not see
And he told us of a war
In a city across the sea

There were Greeks outside the walls
And they couldn't win by force
'Til one man had an idea
And they built a giant horse

Chorus:
We're all retelling Homer's Odyssey,
Homer's Odyssey, Homer's Odyssey
We're all retelling Homer's Odyssey,
Homer's Odyssey, Homer's Odyssey

And some men were in the horse
They snuck out of it and smashed the door
And the walls began to burn

(chorus)

As we all return to Greece
Every one of us has all we need
Sailing home across the sea
Into Homer's Odyssey

(chorus)

Penelopeia

(to the tune of "Eleanor Rigby")

Ah, look at all the evil suitors!
Ah, look at all the evil suitors!

Penelopeia weaving a shroud on a loom in the home of the king
Lives in a dream
Stands at the window, waits for her husband who left her to fight in the war
What was it for?

All the evil suitors, where do they all come from?
All the evil suitors, when will they all be gone?

Telemachos, welcomes a stranger although there are so many there
But he still cares
It is Athene, the grey-eyed goddess who comes to the court in disguise
She is so wise

All the evil suitors, where do they all come from?
All the evil suitors, when will they all be gone?

Ah, look at all the evil suitors!
Ah, look at all the evil suitors!

Penelopeia goes to the loom and unties what she did in the day
But they still stay
Telemachos told by Athene to search for some news of his dad
None to be had

All the evil suitors, where do they all come from?
All the evil suitors, when will they all be gone?

When You're Sixty-Four

(to the tune of "When I'm Sixty-Four")

When you were floating out on the sea
Seven years ago
Did you think that everything would turn out fine
Washed up on this island of mine?
Why do you always think of your wife
On that distant shore?
You could be sprightly, doing it nightly
When you're sixty-four.

I'll be young like you
And if you say the word, you could stay here too.

Being immortal, forever young
Really is divine
You could spend a year or two alone with me
Then go sailing out in the sea
Being alive for hundreds of years,
Who could ask for more?
I'm being truthful, you could be youthful
When you're sixty-four.

Every morning you keep looking out across the open sea to your former home
And your wife and son
But if you stay right here
We could have some fun

Early this morning, I did receive
A message from the gods
Zeus said via Hermes that you cannot stay
And I have to send you away
Now you'll be mortal, like all the rest
Old forever more
Moaning and crying, finally dying
When you're sixty-four.

Only a Siren Song

(to the tune of "Only a Northern Song")

If you're listening to our song
You may think our love for you is strong
But it's not, we just want you to die

If you're tied up to the mast
Then make sure that you are tied up fast
If you're not, then you'll have to obey

It doesn't really matter what ship you row
Or what you know or where you're going to
As it's only a Siren song

It doesn't really matter how old you are
Or if you're scarred or if you're far from home
When it's only a Siren song

If your ears are filled with wax
And you think that you can just relax
Take it out - and row over here

And we want you to come right here

Eat a Lotus Now

(to the tune of "All Together Now")

One, two, three, four
Can you come up from the shore?
Five, six, seven eight nine ten we love you

A, B, C, D
Join us and forsake the sea
E, F, G H I J we love you

Leave your ship, and the sea
Stay with us, and be free

Eat a lotus now…

Black, red, green, white
Everything is quite all right
Pink, brown, yellow orange and blue we love you

Eat a lotus now…

Leave your ship, and the sea
Stay with us, and be free

Eat a lotus now…

One-Eyed Man

(to the tune of "Nowhere Man")

He's a big one-eyed man
Living in his one-eyed land
Talking to a tiny man called Nobody

Only has one point of view
Lives on cheese and mutton stew
Keeping all his flock inside his cave

One-eyed man, please listen
You don't know what you're missing
Said the seer...
Odysseus is the one you should fear

But this man called Nobody
Barely large enough to see
One-eyed man, can you see him at all?

One-eyed man, don't worry
Chew them up, don't hurry
Don't fill up, 'cause small men are so
Stringy and tough

Drinks too much of small man's wine
Just one poke and he goes blind
Shouts that he's been hurt by Nobody

No-eyed man, please listen
All those small men are missing
No-eyed man...
Nobody hides under your ram

He's a big no-eyed man
Living in his one-eyed land
Asking all his brothers to kill Nobody
Swearing to take his revenge on Nobody
Praying for his father's curse on Nobody

Circe on the Isle of Aeaea

(to the tune of "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds")

Picture yourself in a ship on the ocean
With watery waves and winds in the sky
You see an island, you know it's the home of
A goddess with magical eyes

She sees your men standing outside her door
Welcomes them into her hall
Turning them all into swine with a wave of her wand

Circe on the Isle of Aeaea
Circe on the Isle of Aeaea
Circe on the Isle of Aeaea

Follow them up from your camp by the seashore
A path through a forest of towering trees
You meet a young man, who really is Hermes
Who gives you a magical weed

She sees you coming and opens her doors
Gives you a potion to drink
Trying to make you a pig with a wave of her wand

Circe on the Isle of Aeaea...

Picture yourself on an isle in the ocean
Enjoying and letting a whole year go by
Suddenly someone is helping you homeward
The goddess with magical eyes

Circe on the Isle of Aeaea...

Let's Move On

(to the tune of "Hey Bulldog")

Scylla, standing in a cave
Six heads, high above the waves
You wait until you see our ship come by, and then
You stretch out all your necks and grab six of my men

Evil, pulling up your haul
Hungry, devouring them all
Some kind of agony is measured in their cries
But if we try to fight, then six more men will die

We can't cross the sea
Helpless as a flea
In your killing spree
If you'd let us, we could cross the sea

Charybdis, underneath a fig
Whirlpool, terrible and big
Three times on every day you swallow up the sea
I only live because I hang on to the tree

I can't cross the sea
Clinging to a tree
Wishing I could flee
If you'd let me, I could cross the sea, yeah

Hey Scylla…

All You Need Is Blood

(to the tune of "All You Need Is Love")

Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood.

Everyone will end up in the grave
Everyone you know will be a shade
Nothing you can do, but you can learn
How to visit the realm -
of Hades

There's nothing you can know that they don’t know.
Nothing you can see that they can’t show.
And if you need their help, then go
There to ask the seer -
Tiresias.

All you need is blood, all you need is blood,
All you need is sheep’s blood. Blood is all you need.

There's no one who is there that wasn't born.
No one isn’t there in ghostly form.
Just kill a couple of sheep and mix it up
With some wine -
It's tasty.

All you need is blood, all you need is blood,
All you need is sheep’s blood. Blood is all you need.
All you need is blood. (And some milk now).
All you need is blood. (And some honey).
All you need is sheep’s blood. Blood is all you need.
Blood is all you need.
Blood is all you need...
(Yesterday)
(They are all dead, dead, dead)

The One to Pull Odysseus' Bow

(to the tune of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band")

It was twenty years ago today,
That Odysseus sailed away
He was king of this entire isle
But he’s been away for quite a while
So may I give a challenge now
To anyone who thinks he’ll be
The man to pull Odysseus’ bow

The man to pull Odysseus’ bow
Will be the one to pass the test
The man to pull Odysseus’ bow
He must be stronger than the rest
Suitors are so many, wondering if anyone
Can pull Odysseus’ bow

We’ve got twelve iron axe heads
And lined them in a row
If you can shoot the arrow through
You get to wed Penelope
You get to win the throne

Now that all of you have had a turn
Well I thought that you might like to learn,
That a stranger’s come into the hall
And he says that he’s the best of all
So let us give the man a chance
To see if he can really be
The man to pull Odysseus’ bow

(Here he is!)

Kill With a Little Help From My Friends

(to the tune of "With a Little Help From My Friends")

What would you think of a ragged old man
Who had traveled for half of his life?
Now I’ve come home to the isle of my birth
To return to my son and my wife
And I will with a little help from my friends,
I get thrilled with a little help from my friends,
Gonna kill with a little help from my friends.

What did they do while my ship was away?
(Did your wife think she was all alone?)
Who are these suitors and why do they stay?
(‘Cause they want to sit upon your throne)
No, it’s still mine with a little help from my friends
They’ll all die with a little help from my friends
They’re gonna cry with a little help from my friends

(Will you kill everybody?)
I’ll just kill those who were rude
(Will that be everybody?)
I might just spare one or two

(What will you do when they try to run off?)
Then I’ll shoot them full of arrows from the door
(What will you do when your arrows are gone?)
I’ll send Telemachus to go and get some more
Oh, I’ll get by with a little help from my friends,
They’ll all die with a little help from my friends
They’re gonna cry with a little help from my friends

(Did you stop everybody?)
Not one man got through the door
(Did you kill everybody?)
They all lie dead on the floor

Oh, I got by with a little help from my friends,
They all died with a little help from my friends
Earned some pride with a little help from my friends
Yes I got home with a little help from my friends,
With a little help from my friends.

Homecoming

(to the tune of "It's All Too Much")

When I think about the years I wandered 'cross the sea
And the sailors at my side, and all are dead but me

It's all too much for me to see
These suitors lying all around me
And now I've had my just revenge
And so this house is mine again

I'll make offerings to the gods, for all their help to me
And I'll finally share my bed with my Penelope

It's all too much for me to take
The wife who's waited for me so long
And my son, and servants too
So many years, it's all too much

Too much, too much, too much…

And so my promise to the gods two years ago has been fulfilled. I hope these songs amused you, and I hope they inspire you to read (or reread) the Odyssey. And if you haven't seen Yellow Submarine in a while, then you should make it a point to do so. And if you've never seen it, what are you, nuts? Go see it!

Blessings of the Muses be upon you.

Rob Henderson
February 18th, 2002

Questions or comments? I can be reached at robh@cyberspace.org or via my Grove:
Shining Lakes Grove, ADF
PO Box 1732
Ann Arbor, Michigan 48106

For those who have asked which albums contain the original songs: The 1999 CD release of "Yellow Submarine" has all twelve of them. If you're borrowing from a friend/library who does have Beatles albums but doesn't have that version, then you'll want to look for: the 1969 release of "Yellow Submarine" (Yellow Submarine, All Together Now, Hell Bulldog, Only a Northern Song, It's All Too Much); "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (Sgt. Pepper's..., With a Little Help From My Friends, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, When I'm Sixty-Four); "Revolver" (Eleanor Rigby, and Yellow Submarine again); "Magical Mystery Tour" (All You Need Is Love); and "Rubber Soul" (Nowhere Man). And if you're in the United States and you're borrowing from someone whose albums predate the age of the compact disc, then "Nowhere Man" will instead be found on an American-only album called "Yesterday and Today", for reasons too complicated to get into here. Now you know!

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